THE HISTORICAL IMPROPAGANDA CHRONICLES

Anno Domini 1997, April



Chapel Perilous!
Shake Eternity and Lick Creation
... up is down and dn is up ...

     Impropaganda offers the following unique links for your surfing pleasure. Special thanks to Illuminet Press for great material and good vibes. Illuminet is the place for hidden knowledge and hard to find information on conspiracies, ufology, magick, alternative science and energy, to name a few.


None Dare Call It Coincidence...
     Has the fast-paced, stark-fisted craze of modern conspiracy theory left you feeling isolated and confused? Are you the lone law-abiding diligent taxpayer around the office water cooler that doesn't have a clue about the Dog Star Sirius, Men In Black or Bullet 399? Well, friend, check that advertising-tainted Consumers for Chri$t reality-tunnel at the proverbial door to Shamballah and learn what to do and say the next time one of your cohorts or co-workers casually mentions those wild 'n' wacky "Freemasons&quo t; or all those good times at "Roswell, New Mexico" and "Area 51". Become a Willing Dupe of some of the world's Most Successful Conspiracies before THEY stop letting you be paranoid!


What you need to know...

Illuminati Outline of History

     The Illuminati Outline of History is the first tool you'll need in your motorcade route through the paranoid. Forget everything that 'droid of a history teacher mumbled through in college, what you need is information that's something more than a list of hidden agenda-driven historical facts! The Illuminati (pronounced like it should be) Outline of History will guide you through the history behind History. Let this be your Cliff Notes®-styled introduction to a reality-breakdown...

How to apply what you know...

23 Skidoo!
     We understand the value of knowledge combined with action. Here we provide a means for you to test out your new found knowledge of the paranoid mindset with everyone's favorite numerical enigma, 23 (Twenty-t hree). You'll soon find that 23 consistantly pops up in all sorts of places, usually everywhere you look.
     This is a growing list of synchronistic occurances of 23 and some close calls. Feel free to add your own interesting 23 tidbit. Here's an example to get you started in the right direciton: 2 divided by 3 equals .666. And hey, that's just for starters! CAUTION: Once you get the trick, your friends and co-workers who have yet to achieve enlightenment may find you a bit annoying and label you as "obsessive."


People in the know you should know...

      KERRY WENDELL THORNLEY: a.k.a. Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst, a.k.a. Ho Chi Zen. Thornley, along with Greg Hill, is the confounding co-founding father of the zany system of belief known to the world as Discordianism, the one true religion, Hail Eris! T hornley, a writer extraodinaire and genius-at-large, is perhaps the all around Strange Personality of the Century. He was a bunkmate and friend of Lee Harvey Oswald's in the Marines and wrote a novel, The Idle Warriors, based on the world's most famous patsy before Oswald found himself the central figure in the mess of events that was Dallas, Texas on November 22, 1963. Hence how Thornley ended up in another fictional classic, The Warren Commission Report.

Zenarchy Kultcha
      To understand conspiracy theories from the inside, Thornley is a must-read. Impropaganda is proud to have the exclusive online editions of two of Thornley's works: Zenarchy will befuddle your mind and enlighte n your soul... Don't leave om without it! Kultcha is Thornley's wallnewspaper on politics and life. After reading this, you'll probably want to slug your CongressEntity when they use cultural issues to avoid, o h say, discussing anything serious and productive.

Emperor Joshua Norton I

     Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico: Didn't know the United States ever had an emperor? (See what we were saying about the history taught in schools.) Yeah, well, you're st ill learning. This Discordian Saint is a classic case study of how altering your mindset can alter the reality around it. Macalypse the Younger, K.S.C. said of our beloved Emperor: "Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. Few understand Hermann Hesse. Ha rdly anybody understands Einstein. And nobody understands Emperor Norton." Live like him.


Things you'd rather not know...
Nuclear Bloopers

     Remember the good old days of the Cold War and the constant anxiety of an all out nuclear exchange between the top two alpha-male feces-throwing world powers? If only things had been as Norman Rockwellian as that. While we were all worrying about honing valuable duck and drop techniques and who would and wouldn't make it into the bomb shelter with us, nuclear management s kills were, to say the least, in dire need of some serious power training. Laugh and guffaw through the Carol O'Neil and Sharon Seidenstein Berkeley Ecology Center's explosive Nuclear Bloopers article and pine for the simple days of Dr. Strangelove.

Case Study: Mary Reeser

     Some things are odd. Others are a bit weird. Spontaneous Human Combustion is just plain screwy. Oh sure, if you're some kind of "skeptic", you can try and blame it on overweight alcholic smokers who pass ou t after binging all night with a lit Pall Mall, but c'mon, then it would be happening every other day to our blacksheep aunts and uncles. No, something is definately afoot, or in this case afire. Take Mary Reeser, one unlucky babe t oo hot to handle. This case study of SHC will definately stoke your paranormal fires.


Everything you know is wrong...

Prolife Man

     From the dead-tree pre-cursor of Impropaganda, Zeitgeist, comes that High and Mighty Christian Crusader, He-Who-Knows-Best, and the Bill Gates of morality, ProLife Man. Outwitt ing Satanic-liberalism, free thought and women's bodies at every clinic, ProLife Man inserts his wisdom and guidance into a sticky situation. Some people actually think the series is funny. Well, we do too, but probably for different reasons.WARNING: This graphic series, is well, graphic. Consult with your parent's before viewing.

Brother Jim

     Speaking of what's wrong with your morality, allow Brother Jim a moment of your time to show you the Light. While not exactly preaching a viewpoint of the one true religion, Discordianism, we like to think Brother Jim's only a Van Halen concert away from conversion to Eris.


Coming Soon Enough...

THE ORIGIN OF AIDS?

DEAD ANIMALS

THE DAY I SAW GOD

HOW TO FRY


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